Music Stand You've been to a folk club or festival When the artist gets up on the stage And then he starts to tune his guitar Takes him an absolute age He's got an electronic thingy You'd think he could tune it with ease Except of course for the unfortunate fact The instructions are all in chinese Now I don't have the same sort of problem My squeezebox is always in tune It may be in tune in some damned awkward keys But what are you wanting - the moon Now I've got a faithful old music stand It's served me for many a year But the screws are all worn and it won't stand up I just want to cry in my beer I remember the day I first saw it Standing proud and erect in the shop I thought if this carries my music I must be on my way to the top I took it back home on the instant It was English made - better by far The instructions were clear,it all clicked into place My girlfriend thought I was a star For years it was there to rely on I'd erect it without any fuss It stood rigid and straight and it never fell down For performance that must be a plus When we were crawling the pubs it dismantled so neat And with never a screw out of place So at the next stop it was quickly in use Which just brought a smile to my face They say time may be a great healer But time isn't kind to ones metal For the screws they wear and the boltholes grow Then the joints you've got to fettle What was rigid and straight becomes wobbly and bent And no longer clicks into place What used to stand up slides all over the floor And you can't lift your head for disgrace It's lovely gold plating had grown tarnished and dim And I thought it was time I should act So I talked to a friend who's a good engineer Just to see how he would react He spoke of replating and reaming and things It all went straight over my head But when he spoke of the cost I thought this is the end My old music stand's finally dead I lamented my woes to a friend at the club She said "Let's have a look at your stand. Oh the gold's only tarnished,it'll come up with a rub And then the whole thing will be grand A new set of washers - a few drops of oil And if you erect it with care And just take your time,there's no hurry you know Then I think that'll make the repair" They say a good fiddle can play a good tune Though time may have mellowed the strings And take heed of experts,thogh not all the time When they blind you with science and things But if your old music stand's needing repair Through tarnish and worn joints and such Try music and laughter and friendship at first But above all - the feminine touch