My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going kill
each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the
carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm
going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me LOGIC . . . #2 "If you fall out of that swing and break
your neck, you're not going to the shops with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry
about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat
your tea!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you 'look' at the dirt on
the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach
is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through
your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I
saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you
a million times  - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and
I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your
father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . . . "Just wait until your father
gets home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING . . .. "You are going to get it when we
get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . . . "If you don't stop crossing your
eyes, they are going to stick that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD . . . "If you don't pass your spelling
test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP . . . "Put your jumper on; don't you think I know
when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me HUMOUR . . . "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT. . . "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about SEX . . .. "How do you think you got here?"

My Mother taught me about GENETICS . . . "You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS . . . "Do you think you were born in a
barn?"

My Mother taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE . . . "When you get to be my
age, you will understand."